


What is the meaning of living without you

by Waterbonbon



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, post 3x19
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-01
Updated: 2019-05-04
Packaged: 2020-02-10 22:23:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18669553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Waterbonbon/pseuds/Waterbonbon
Summary: Magnus was stabbed by his father Asmodeus at his loft while he refused to open the rift with him. He was bleeding and laying at the cold floor of his loft.He knew he wouldn’t live long. No one has stabbed by Asmodeus with his demonic weapon and stayed alive to tell the tales. Even though his magic was back, but he could not stop the venom running through his system and drain all of the strength he had. He didn’t have much time left. The last thing he thought he needs to do is to inform the New York Institute for stopping the world turning into hell and see the love of his life before his death.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for my bad English as I am not a native speaker of English.

Magnus was stabbed by his father Asmodeus at his loft while he refused to open the rift with him. He was bleeding and laying at the cold floor of his loft.

He knew he wouldn’t live long. No one has stabbed by Asmodeus with his demonic weapon and stayed alive to tell the tales. Even though his magic was back, but he could not stop the venom running through his system and drain all of the strength he had. He didn’t have much time left. The last thing he thought he needs to do is to inform the New York Institute for stopping the world turning into hell and see the love of his life before his death.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After Alec broke up with Magnus and left his mother’s shop, he had called Catarina at once. He didn’t tell her much about the details, but did tell her that it is for Magnus own good. He asks her to take care of him while he couldn't. However, it has been almost 24 hours, she still could not find Magnus. He didn’t pick up her call and not able to be tracked. It is seems something was blocking them to reach him, Alec started to worry.

”Alec! Could you hear me? We need to find a way to track Clary.” Jace is shouting at him while he lost in his thoughts about Magnus.

Izzy and Jace both were at Alec’s office to talked about the next move to get Clary back. Suddenly a portal opened next to the fireplace and a bloody Magnus is appeared and laying on the ground.

“Asmodeus is in the city and he is trying to open the rift to Edom.” Magnus used his left arm to support his body and managed to get those word out before fell back to the ground. 

Alec ran from his desk and kneeled before him. He found the deep wound at Magnus’ stomach and blood is still flowing out. His two siblings followed him reach to Magnus.

“Jace go check with the others to found Asmodeus. Izzy, please call Catarina to come here, I will bring Magnus to the infirmary and wait for her in there.” 

After both of his siblings rush out of the room after took his order, Alec carefully put his arm around Magnus’ body and try to carry him up from the ground, but Magnus grabbed his jacket’s collar and try to stop him.

“Don’t bother to save me. I just have one last wish. Please let me die in your arms.” Magnus looked at Alec and smiled while saying that.

Alec tried so hard to fight back the tears and sobs since he broke up with Magnus, but seeing him like this with the only dying wish was to stay at his arm, it was like a knife stabbed into his heart. Alec was not able to fight back his tear any more. He tears flushed out like a river and dropped on Magus’ face.

Magnus released his hand that grabbed Alec’s jacket collar and raises his hand to cup his face then said. ”You looked so sad. Why are you crying?”

”Magnus listen to me. You are not going to die. Catarina will save you.” said Alec with sobs.

”But without you. What is the meaning of I living for?” Magnus said with voice getting weaker. His hand dropped from Alec’s face slowly and his eyes were closing with tears rolling down his face.

”No no no! Magnus looks at me!!” Alec hurriedly lifted Magnus from the ground and let his head rested on his chest. Alec started running from his office to the infrimary and keep calling his name until Magnus slowly open his eyes and look back at him. He knew Magnus was fading quickly and he needed to do anything to keep him awake until Catarina came.

”Hey, keep looking at me, please. Do you remember the last time I carried you to bed? You kept screaming and try to get off me.” Alec said while he was carrying Magnus to the infirmary. 

”Why Alexander? Why are you doing this?” Magnus slowly opened his eyes and said. he was weak and his voice was small like whisper but he still tried his best to choke out those words. 

”Please save your strength don’t talk, just keep looking to me.” Alec was kept talking to Magnus and tried to make him say awake, but he didn’t notice that he was crying while on the way to the infirmary. His tears were dropping on Magnus’ face, but Magnus didn’t have the strength to wipe away those tears. The only strength he have was tried to stay focused on Alec’s face.

Once Alec entered the infirmary, he lied Magnus at the nearest bed gently and started to unbutton Magnus’ shirt to examine how bad the wound was. The wound was deep and the colour of it was not normal. It seemed infected or poisoned.

While Alec was still examining the wound Catarina arrived. ”How bad is it?” She said.

”Catarina, you need to save him. His wound is seems infected by poison.” Alec said. 

Catarina use her magic worked on Magnus’ wound and her face started frowning in seconds. She dropped her hands and said “His wound has great demon venom. I have to clean the venom before healing the wound. It would be painful and need lots of strength to go through the cleaning process, but Magnus is exhausted and drained, he could not able to make through. He would die during the cleaning process.”

Alec remember the last time they were at the loft, he was shared his strenght with Magnuse to heal Luke. He turned to Magnus and hold one of his hand. “Magnus please take my strength. You need to heal.” 

“I told you l don’t need that, because I couldn't live without you.” Magnus whispered desperately and his tear kept rolling from his face. He was made up his mind and wish he could die with good memories between him and his Alexander.

Alec started sobbing. He kept his emotion locked up since he left Magnus so that Magnus would have a better lift even he was not around anymore, but he never thought that the love of his lift would be dying because he thought he was not loving him. 

“Magnus, please.”Alec was sobbing and begged him to take, he tightly holding Magnus’ hand and don’t want to let go, but Magnus stubbornly made his gaze turned away and not listen to him. It didn’t need much time, Magnus used up all his little left strength and start closing his eyes. 

“Please, look at me. I am sorry. Please don’t go.” Alec used his another free hand to cup Magus’ face and try to make those unfocused eyes looking at him, but Magnus not able to look back at him, as he already closed his eyes. Alec fell his head on Magnus’ chest and sobbing harder. “I love you. I promise I will tell you everything if you healed. Please come back to me. Please.” Suddenly, Alec felt his energy flowing out from his hand that intertwined with Magnus’.


	2. Chapter 2

When Magnus waked up he recognized the familiar ceiling. He knew he was laying at the institute’s infirmary again. He tried to get up but finding he was too exhausted to do it, so he just silently laying at his bed and tried to remember what happened before he passed out. 

His mind was still fuzzy, but he still could remember Alec was sobbing and told him he loved him. He found himself was already changed to his comfortable silk pants and robe instead of the hospital gown. The one that he left at Alec’s bedroom before he left the institute.

Catarina walked inside the room. When she saw him awake, she rushed to reach to his bed and helped him got into a seat position. His back leaned heavily against the bed board. 

“How do you feel?” Catarina said.

“Like hell.” Magnus answered her with a sad smile.

“You deserve it because you tried to get yourself killed.” Catarina said with a frowning face.

”I am sorry. I was depressed and affected by the demon venom.” said Magnus.

”It is still not a good excuse to get yourself killed.” Catarina was still angry about his idiot behaviour. ”By the way, how could you get a great demon to attack you?”

”It was my father. He stabbed me while I refused to help him.” Magnus replied and kept his gaze looking at his hands. He was sad to his father’s act even just mentioned it.

“Thanks to you. The Nephilim is well informed for this great demon’s arrival.” said Catarina.

”Where is Alexander?” Magnus asked.

”He was still here while you are sleeping. But, Magnus you still need rest as you still not recovered enough from your injury.” 

”But I want to talk to him.” Magnus’s expression was sad. The last time when he waked up from his coma, his Shadowhunter was seated next to his bed and take care of him. But this time he just felt alone and cold.

He started dozing off after he said that. Magnus was weak and tried, great demon venom was not like the other normal demon’s venom. It would make their body drain off their energy fast, so no one could have enough strength to wait still healer come. 

”I know. How about you take a snap. I will wake you up when he comes back from his duties.” Catarina counter-proposed, but she didn’t get her answer back, because Magnus was already fell into sleep again.

———————————————————-

Magnus was waked up a few times, but still, haven't seen Alec in the infirmary. He knew Alec was been in his bed side sometimes as he could smell his scent in there. The smell of sandalwood, which Magnus brewed for him. He thought Alec would explain the details to him once he awake, his Alexander would never hide anything from him. This was what they promised each other after their last breakup. But this time seemed Alec was avoiding the talk. Magnus started to doubt that the reason he didn’t want to talk because it was just the act that Alec try to save him, and he didn’t want Magnus anymore. He kept his eyes closed and try to rest, so as to not thinking too much about those negatives thoughts that go around in his mind. However, he was disturbed by Catarina’s voice.

“You always get the right time to come. He is sleeping again.” Catarina was talking to someone who just walked in the infirmary. “Cameras?”

“I just want to take a look at him before I go back to work.” He heard Alec’s voices. 

“He wants to talk to you. You know that.” Catarina said.

“I know, but I don’t know what should I tell him.” Alec replied.

“The truth. He deserves to know the truth.” Catarina said.

“I can’t. Do you know how hard I left him at my mother’s shop? Do you know how hard to left him when he was begging me to stay? It is the hardest decision I have ever made, but I know everything would worth it. I don’t want to see him suffered without his magic.” Alec tried to push down his emotions and kept his voice low. He was seemed too afraid he would wake Magnus up. ”I just didn't expect his father would hurt him.” Alec caught a breath of fresh air and said.

”What can you expect from a great demon? He loves you, you know? He wouldn't except that.” Catarina said.

”I am not his first love and would not be his last. He will love again even without me. But without his magic, he could not survive.” Alec sound hurting to said that.

His Alexander was hurting. He never thought Alec would think in that way. Alec was the first person who was really given his heart and soul to him. He never felt being loved by someone that much. Magnus not only just opened his heart for him, but he also opened new territories for him in his heart. The place that ever only opened to his beloved Alexander, which was someplace that other people never reached before. Broke up with Camille was broken his heart, but breaking up with Alec was just like tearing him apart from the inside. 

His Alexander not only love his soul, but he has also loved his cat eyes, the eyes that showed he had demon blood and who his father was. He accepted his past, the past that made him who he was, the past that he has so many lovers and killed his step-father. Alec loved everything of him, not just the facade of him that he wanted to show to everyone, but the whole of him. How could he so blind to see that? 

Magnus wanted to rush to Alec’s side and embraced him inside his arms. He couldn't stop himself from climbing from his bed to the ground. His body still weak, his legs were shaking when they touched the floor. He didn’t know his head was that heavy and dizzy before he got up from the bed. He needed to use one of his hand to support himself on the bed from falling down. 

When he concentrated enough and steadied his legs, then he started moving slowly forward to Alec step by step. He heard Catarina still talking to him. He tried to call his name, but his voice couldn’t reach out as the darkness enveloped him and he fell on the ground.

————————————

“You are a moron!! How could say that?! You are doubting his love for you. You are burying his efforts and what he has given up for you. Alec, I know this man for centuries, but I never saw him loved anything one like you before.” Catarina almost screamed those words out. 

”But I can't get back with him, because his father would take his magic back.” Alec voice sound guilt. 

 

“Oh my god. Do you know great demon could not take our magic if we are not willing to.” Catarina said and rolled her eyes.

Alec has lights in his eyes. 

“So that’s mean..” they were interrupted by a huge sound behind them, which came from Magnus’ bed. When he looked back he saw Magnus was laying on the ground. He rushed to his side to hold him and tried to wake him up. When his hand touched Magnus’ face, he felt warm but not the normal warm of his body. 

”Catarina, he is burning.” Alec said.

”Maybe the venom still not fully out of his system, let get him back to bed. I need to check him see what we can do.” Catarina said.

\-------------

Catarina checked Magnus again and sure no venom could be found at his system, she was guessing maybe it just his body repairing himself after the venom clearance. Catarina said since she hasn't seen anyone alive after hurt by great demon’s demonic weapon, she was no sure her theory was right or not. She just made some potions to help him to control his fever and regain his strength faster.

It was like the deja vu of last time he was laying in here. As Magnus was kelt sweating while he was burning, Alec needed to clean Magnus twice to help him more comfortable in his sleeping until his fever is under control. 

Izzy came to visit Magnus once during Alec was wiping his body. ”You are enjoying it? Do you?” Izzy was smirking and looking at him. He closed the door while she came. He only opened the door once he was finished the cleaning. Izzy was still smirking at him but hugging him when she found he was caring about Magnus.

Alec stayed beside his bed and wait for him to wake up this time. He held his hand above his lips. He used his other free hand to stroked Magnus’ cheek. His face was now warm and soft like home for him. Catarina’s wording was echoing in his head. He never thought Magnus would choose him over magic, he never dared to ask that question, but thinking deeply he was already made that choice. He was given up his magic to gave Jace to made him whole again. 

He thought without his magic Magnus still could live without him, even it would hurt liked hell, but he would finally get over it. He never would imagine Magnus wanted to get himself killed rather living in a life without him. It was broken his heart to heard that. 

Magnus’ eyes slowly opened while Alec still stroking his cheek. ”Hey, there you are.” Alec leaned near him and whispered next to his ear.

”I finally see you.” Magnus smiled and whispered. He raised his hand and Alec caught it and bring it to cup his own face. ”Magnus I miss you.” Alec said and his tears were rolling down from his cheek.

”I miss you too.” Magnus said. ”Could you hold me tonight? I always sleep better in your arms.” 

”You don't want me to explain everything?” Alec replied with a confused look.

”Yes, but not now. I still need rest. I just want to rest inside your embrace and knowing I am not alone anymore.” Magnus said sweetly. 

Magnus tried to move his heavy body to made room for Alec, but Alec was faster. He already climbed on his bed and slide his arm around Magnus’ body to pull him closer. Alec kissed his temple and whispered “l love you” while his lips still touching him. It was the best sound that helped Magnus sleep better ever.


End file.
